When I was younger, I was mega sensitive; I would cry or get upset over anything, but when I turned into a teen, I realised that I needed to man up a bit more. What is the use in crying? It isn’t attractive, nor is it productive.
I think my problem is that I overthink. I love to analyse and rewind and play all those memories, and so then I start to get upset and pansy like.
A couple of my friends have a poker face. They never seem to let anything hurt them, upset them or anger them. I am not saying they are always happy, but (for example), something which would upset me would most probably not upset them.
Sometimes, I wish I could be like that. It isn’t nice when you are crying in front of someone as it is showing them how vulnerable you are. Especially when I like to give off the vibe that I am confident when I first meet people. (FYI, it is called fake confidence).
But sometimes I am glad that I wear my heart on my sleeve. I like to show some people that I am normal and that I do have feelings. I like to show people how much they mean to me and sometimes, it has to be done by crying.
Today after I finished making a prat and wiped away my tears, I felt a sense of happiness come through me. I felt that I showed my emotions and I kind of put my heart on the line. Sometimes, you do not need words, just actions.
I might just have memories for now, but the ones I have I won’t change for the world or anyone, and that is what is keeping me happy.