You need to open up; otherwise you will literally explode

All my life I have always kept things to myself. Maybe not gossip and maybe not achievements, but if I was down or upset, I usually would keep it locked inside. This is because I don’t like burdening anyone with my problems, I don’t like ruining someone else’s mood by me crying and I found it easier for me just to have time to myself and get over it.

This was until last summer where I was really down. Had no job and no money, I made a foolish decision and I spent everyday doing the same thing. I pretended everything was fine, but it wasn’t.

This past year has been a tough one for me as well as my friends. But this year was different; this year I turned into a sharer.

I realised that maybe I wasn’t as strong emotionally as I thought. I didn’t want to leave university, I didn’t want to leave my friends and my boyfriend, and now it is finally here. I am shit scared.

People react differently. Some of my friends are pretty chilled about leaving, others are a mess. I am a mess. Janie two years ago would have been chilled and to outsiders, I would look like I didn’t really care, whilst in the inside I would be upset. But Janie now won’t stop crying or taking it out on people she is closest too. Sometimes I lash out, sometimes I write letters and sometimes I just take a deep breath, and talk things through.

Maybe, it was a bad idea for that person to tell me to open up a lot more, you have unleashed a monster. But at the same time, if I kept quiet, the day will come where I will literally implode.

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